Tuesday, March 31, 2009

'Dumbest criminal' nabbed in cop convention holdup

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090327/ap_on_fe_st/odd_police_convention_robbery

Enough said department:


HARRISBURG, Pa. – A retired police chief said he was robbed by "probably the dumbest criminal in Pennsylvania," at a police officers' convention on Friday morning. John Comparetto said as he came out of a stall in the men's room, a man pointed a gun in his face and demanded money. There were 300 narcotics officers from Pennsylvania and Ohio at the gathering.

Comparetto gave up his money and cell phone. But when the man fled, Comparetto and some colleagues chased him. They arrested a 19-year-old man as he was trying to leave in a taxi.

The suspect is also awaiting trial on four previous robbery charges.

The suspect was arraigned and taken to Dauphin County Prison. When a reporter asked the suspect for comment as he was led out of court, he said, "I'm smooth."

Monday, March 30, 2009

Perfect Running Pace Revealed


http://news.yahoo.com/s/livescience/20090329/sc_livescience/perfectrunningpacerevealed

Our scientists at work, or the DUH factor:

So, why is a zoology professor studying running efficiency? Steudel's previous work has tried to build a theory of why our early ancestors evolved from moving on four limbs to two limbs, also known as bipedalism. She has found that human walking is a more efficient method of getting from point A to point B than on all fours.

Friday, March 27, 2009

Woman arrested 3 times in 3 days for drunk driving

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090326/ap_on_fe_st/odd3_owis_3_days


SHEBOYGAN, Wis. – A 60-year-old Washington woman arrested for drunken driving three times in three days while vacationing in Wisconsin has been sentenced to a month in jail. The woman was arrested first at 2 p.m. March 11, 2008. A deputy saw her try to drive out of a ditch, wearing only one shoe and had a blood-alcohol level of 0.21, authorities said. The legal driving limit is .08.

Twenty-four hours later, the woman was arrested after her car got stuck in snow in a park campground that was closed for the winter. The woman told an officer she had had four or six cups of wine.

"I am still finishing up the box of wine in my car from yesterday," authorities reported she told the officer.

Authorities found a box of Black Fox wine in the car.

The woman spent 12 hours in jail. She was released and headed west, but was arrested a short time later after someone reported her driving "all over the road," according to a police report.

An officer found a partial bottle of wine in her car. She had a blood alcohol-level of 0.16.
Court records released Wednesday show the woman was sentenced last week to 30 days in jail and fined more than $3,000.

Just imagine what she could done had she been wearing both shoes.
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Thursday, March 26, 2009

Girls Gone Riding

http://upcoming.yahoo.com/event/1850421


Saturday March 28, 2009 at 1:00pm
Legacy Harley-Davidson
1315 Althoff AvenueEffingham, Illinois Get Directions

Always wanted to be involved in the sport of Motorcycling but didn't know where to start or were afraid those in the sport would think you were dumb? Come to our Women's only Girls Gone Riding event and learn everything from where the key goes to packing for a trip, what to do about helmet hair and how to pick up a fallen bike. This is open to all interested women.

You had me at helmet hair.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

When I'm Sixty-Four


Mom, Dan, and Dad: graduation night, May, 1963.

I seem to be wearing a pound of Brylcreem.




http://www.delta.ro/beatles/lyrics/pwhenimsi.html

When I get older losing my hair,
Many years from now.

Will you still be sending me a valentine
Birthday greetings bottle of wine.

If I'd been out till quarter to three
Would you lock the door,

Will you still need me, will you still feed me,


When I'm sixty-four.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Skin Deep: The Phunk-N-Ink Tattoo and Music Festival hopes to open eyes… and earn a little respect

http://www.fortwaynereader.com/story.php?uid=1382



Quote of the day:



"Mike Stow says sometimes, people bring in designs that look great on paper but don’t translate to skin. “Most of the time, that’s the hardest part. You’ll have someone who comes in and says ‘I want an angel with a horseshoe with lightning bolts with whatever.’ They name off 15 different things and want it in a fist-sized tattoo, which is just a lot of stuff to be cramming in there. And skin just doesn’t hold out as long as paper does.”

Monday, March 23, 2009

Cigarette takes revenge to NMN

http://www.advocatepress.com/homepage/x599205314


By Mark Lambird
The Clay County Advocate-Press
Fri Mar 20, 2009, 09:31 AM CDT
Flora, Ill. -

Sometime around 6:30 Wednesday evening, someone who had smoked outside of the No More Nicotine Club in Flora threw down a cigarette.

Most times that would have been the end of it. Just another cigarette butt laying on the sidewalk around the building.

But a gust of wind picked up that cigarette and blew, the still smoldering butt, up against the building and underneath some siding.

At 6:43 a 911 call was made from the club saying that smoke was coming from the buildings walls.

“We turned off the power to make sure it was not electrical,” said the clubs owner Phil Wiley. “The employees kept working the entire time.”

Once Flora Fire Chief Bruce Dickey and his crew made it to the scene the cause of the some was determined, at which time Dickey showed Wiley where the fire had started.

“They put it out with a little bit of water,” Wiley said Monday evening taking a break from working in the clubs kitchen. “The fire department did an outstanding job, they came to do business.

Apparently, just another night in Flora at the"No More Nicotine Club".

Friday, March 20, 2009

Police Beat Macomb Journal

http://www.macombjournal.com/news/x108127597/Police-Beat-March-16


"David Hoerr, who lives on North Albert Street, was pumping gas at the Cenex station, 340 N. Lafayette St., about 3:50 p.m. Friday when he went inside to make a $200 withdrawal from the ATM machine. He saw fuel overflowing from his tank and ran to shut off the pump. While he was outside, someone stole his money."

Multi-tasking isn't all it's cracked up to be.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Sheriff asks for help in solving rash of shattered windows

http://www.mariondaily.com/news/x792893431/Sheriff-asks-for-help-in-solving-rash-of-shattered-windows?popular=true

Marion, Ill. -

A rash of broken car windows kept Williamson County Sheriff deputies busy Saturday.The Sheriff's Dept. says deputies were dispatched to investigate six separate incidents of vehicles that had windows shattered on March 14. Investigations determined the windows were likely shattered by an air rifle or similar weapon....

Air rifle?--as in "You'll put your eye out," Red Ryder BB gun--say it isn't so.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

La. police arrested growling man on drug charges

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090316/ap_on_fe_st/odd_dog_act


MANSFIELD, La. – Authorities arrested a 32-year-old Texas man on drug charges on Thursday after construction workers saw him on his hands and knees, eating mud and growling like a dog. A woman who accompanied the man from Texas told investigators he had been wandering around the complex and eating dog food.

Sheriff's Lt. Horace Womack said a small bottle of PCP, a half-pound of marijuana and one-fourth ounce of crack cocaine were seized during the man's arrest.

The man was booked with possessing all three drugs with intent to distribute them. He was placed in a cell where jailers at the DeSoto Detention Center could keep an eye on him.

What about the "woman who accompanied the man from Texas"--sounds like she could use a strong dose of Dr. Phil.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Man arrested after shooting vehicle window

http://www.bentoneveningnews.com/news/x1445721272/Man-arrested-after-shooting-vehicle-window

Benton, Ill. -
Franklin County Sheriff’s Department investigator John Graskewicz reported the arrest of a Benton man following a drive-by shooting that occurred at 5:42 p.m. Friday.

Graskewicz said Justin M. Williams of the 10000 block of Country Club Road in West Frankfort reported the rear window of his vehicle had been shot out while parked in the driveway of the residence.

“Mr. Williams stated that he had stopped at a business in Benton with a friend,” Graskewicz said. “When the two came out of the store, they saw a white Mercury Mountaineer sitting in the parking lot. Words were exchanged with the people in the vehicle.

“Mr. Williams said they drove back to West Frankfort and were sitting inside his mother’s house when they heard a loud pop,” he said.

“They saw a white Mercury Mountaineer driving away from the residence and recognized it as the same vehicle they had seen earlier.”

Graskewicz said sheriff’s department deputies searched for the vehicle bearing Illinois registration number RDAMLA2 without success.

Deputies spotted the vehicle at 7:04 that evening turning onto Park Road south of Benton.Deputies stopped the vehicle talked with three people inside. The three were identified as Niles E. McCloud, 19, of Carbondale, Jeffrey A. Haremski, 39, of Benton, and Ryan Sasso, 20, of Johnston City.

Graskewicz said the vehicle was searched and a plastic bag containing white powder was located. He said a metal container was also located inside the air conditioning vent that contained 20 yellow pills.Graskewicz said the white powder was later identified as cocaine and the pills were identified as hydrocodone.

He said the three subjects were questioned. Graskewicz said Haremski stated that he was sitting in the rear seat of the vehicle.“Mr. Haremski said ‘I got the back window of his car,’”

Graskewicz said. Williams said he and Haremski had known one another in the past, Graskewicz said.

“The subjects had made several trips to Herrin,” he said.

“Mr. Haremski was charged with one count of aggravated discharge of a firearm and two counts of unlawful possession of a controlled substance.


“The vehicle is owned by Mr. Haremski’s girlfriend, Marcella Akin,” Graskewicz said.

“We are trying to find her to question her about the firearm.The firearm was not recovered, he said.

Informed sources (local Hardee's coffee drinkers) suggested Ms. Akin was out looking for a new boyfriend.

Monday, March 16, 2009

Sumner Press Knitting School

http://sumnerpress.com/index.php

(Thanks for the tip, Sheila!)

"It was a triumphant Sumner Press Knitting School though esteemed esteemed leader, Gloria Johnson, was stricken by a sudden illness. She and Allen were unable to attend, March l4-l5. In their absence, Rita Alton lead admirably. Confided the teacher, "we were fortunate; they were all nearly professional."

Which is more than we can say for the Press's proofreading department.

Friday, March 13, 2009

Pa. DUI defendant claims that he's his own country

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090311/ap_on_fe_st/odd_country_defense

EASTON, Pa. – A man accused of driving drunk said Pennsylvania courts have no jurisdiction over him because he's his own country. After seeing the paperwork that 44-year-old Scott Allan Witmer filed with the court claiming sovereignty, a Northampton County judge said Tuesday he cannot be released from jail until he gets a mental exam.

Witmer, who represented himself, said he believes police lack jurisdiction to pull him over. As he said in court: "I live inside myself, not in Pennsylvania." He said there is no victim in the crime and asked to go to trial.

Defense attorney James Connell, Witmer's standby counsel, said a challenge to the traffic stop would need to be filed as a pretrial motion.

Several witnesses said that Mr. Connell, the standby counsel, appeared to be looking for the back door.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Police: Man driving with 3 tires charged with DUI

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090310/ap_on_fe_st/odd3_tires_arrest

LARGO, Fla. – Authorities charged a man with driving under the influence early Monday after police pulled him over for driving a car with only three tires. Police said an officer spotted a 27-year-old man driving without a rear passenger tire.

The officer reported that the man displayed uneven balance and had bloodshot eyes. A Breathalyzer test he took registered a 0.2 blood alcohol level.

The man was charged with DUI and later released on his own recognizance.

Helpful hint: after kicking your tires, always count them.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

5 human heads discovered in ice chests in central Mexico

http://www.cnn.com/2009/WORLD/americas/03/10/mexico.heads/index.html?eref=rss_topstories


CNN) -- Five human heads were found in ice chests on Tuesday under a ficus tree in the central Mexican state of Jalisco, police said.

Police in Jalisco, Mexico, discovered five heads beside a road to Guadalajara on Tuesday morning.

The grisly find appeared to be the latest indication of drug cartels fighting for supremacy in battles that have left thousands dead...


Municipal police said one of the heads appeared to belong to someone known in the community.



The Headless Horseman?

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Cops find bags of heroin in pregnant woman's pants

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090306/ap_on_fe_st/odd_pregnant_heroin

DUNLEITH, Del. – "Police arrested a 31-year-old pregnant woman who had 73 bags of heroin stashed in the waistband of her pants. Police said the woman was a passenger in a car stopped by officers on Wednesday because they believed it had illegal window tint.

In the car, police said officers found six bags of heroin and a loaded gun and a stun gun in the trunk. When officers took her to police headquarters, they found 73 bags of heroin in her waistband.

The driver, a 27-year-old man, was charged with drug and weapons offenses.

Both are being held on bail.


This seems to be the usual heroin-down-the pants article--let's get to the bottom of the "illegal window tint" business.

Monday, March 9, 2009

Speeder found in stolen car with stolen items, dog

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090306/ap_on_fe_st/odd_traffic_stop_bonanza

KENNER, La. – First of all, police said he was speeding. Second, the 18-year-old wasn't wearing a seat belt and was driving on a suspended license. But that was the least of his troubles. According to police, when the man was pulled over on Tuesday they found a marijuana cigarette. Then they found out the car he was driving was reported stolen. Then they found $27,000 worth of stolen goods in the car.

And when officers asked about the small dog on the front seat, the man could not tell them anything about it.

But a call to the veterinarian listed on the dog's tag led to its owner, who said the pet had been stolen during a home burglary.

Detectives were unsure if the suspect remained in jail Friday.

Maybe he stepped out when they called the vet.

Friday, March 6, 2009

Fed: Little hope for quick improvement in economy

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090304/ap_on_bi_ge/fed_economy

The Fed, however, did have some good news:

"And airplane makers in the St. Louis region are planning to expand existing production, according to the Fed survey."

The "airplane makers" haven't been this excited since they built the Spirit of St. Louis for Charles Lindbergh.

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Fugitive and subject of folk ballad again on loose

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090304/ap_on_re_us/fugitive_lockdown



KENNESAW, Ga. – "The inspiration for a folk ballad about a man who stole a Wal-Mart trailer to see his dying mother was on the loose Wednesday after escaping from custody in Georgia, authorities said.

Chris Daniel Gay slipped out of leg irons, waist chains and handcuffs and escaped from a deputy Tuesday in Kennesaw, officials say. The officer was transporting him to Tennessee to face charges of stealing the trailer in January 2007, officials say. He also is accused of stealing country singer Crystal Gayle's tour bus."

Very Grand Theft Auto.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Embattled senator from Illinois fights to fit in

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090301/ap_on_go_co/burris_digging_in

"Democrats on the Hill said Burris' fellow senators have been cordial to Burris, but hardly gone out of their way make him feel at home.

There was little solace on the Internet either. Two "Save Roland Burris" groups have popped up on the popular Facebook Web site. The groups have less than 70 members combined, and their ranks include a handful of GOP political operatives."

Unemployed "GOP political operatives"?

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Hungary warns of new economic 'Iron Curtain'

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090301/ap_on_re_eu/eu_eu_summit

"On Friday, the European Bank of Reconstruction and Development, the European Investment Bank and the World Bank said they will jointly provide euro24.5 billion ($31.1 billion) in emergency aid to shore up the battered finances of eastern European nations.

The EU has been reluctant to commit more cash so far, with officials saying it would be better to channel money to the International Monetary Fund."

Or just pour it down the rat hole.

Monday, March 2, 2009

Store to balsamic vinegar thief: 'We will get you'

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090225/ap_on_fe_st/odd_balsamic_bandit

Bend, Ore. "A sign hangs amid the bottles of vinegar at Newport Avenue Market. It's simple, to the point: "Thanks to the Balsamic Vinegar Thief this area is now under surveillance. We will get you...."

Shoplifting, of course, is a problem not limited to this market. Even so, Steve Esselstyn, community liaison for the Bend Police Department, says the police don't get many calls from grocery stores, and when they do it's typically something along the lines of a kid trying to score beer.

But balsamic vinegar?

"Well," Esselstyn said, "they must be a vegetarian."



Grammar alert: "they must be vegetarians."
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